Hello Everyone!
So I haven't posted in ages and I thought I should share why. This is a little hard for me to do, because this has been a great platform and one of my favorite ways to express myself, but I've changed.
To me, beauty has been an outward experience and something superficial. I bought so much makeup and spent so much time obsessing about outward appearances. If a product claimed to make you perfect, I was quick to buy it in hopes of becoming prettier. I'd put so much makeup on my face because I honestly believed myself as I am to be not good enough for people without it. How messed up is that? And the reason why so many people buy into this, it because of advertisements and the social obligations women feel to be perfect from them.
We surround ourselves with magazines of photo-shopped images of women and set that as our #goal. What we don't see is the hours of hair/makeup, editing, and processing that goes into making the models look like that. Now, models are naturally very beautiful people, and I don't want it to seem like I'm shamming them, because that is the exact thing that I'm trying to speak against.
Why is it that men feel not obligation to present themselves the way women do? Sure some guys spend more time on a good outfit or hairstyle, but it's rare when you find a guy who takes it to the extreme that women do. It makes me sick when I think about the social obligations women feel to look a certain way. Don't get me wrong, personal care and hygiene are important things as they are apart of taking care of your body, and should be encouraged. The problem is enforced beauty standards that are shoved down women's throats from young ages.
I started wearing makeup when I was either in seventh or eighth grade. The reason why I did it was I saw such beautiful women on the internet and in magazines that my oldest sister would get, and if I wanted boys to like me, I thought I had to make myself look like those women. I never thought when I was younger that I was beautiful as is. I thought I needed to improve myself to get other peoples approval. I wanted to be as perfect as all the icons out there who looked amazing. So as a young girl, with barely any skin issues, I caked up my skin with concealer, powder, blush, eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. I didn't need it. I was perfectly beautiful without it.
Fast forward to my freshman year of high school. I had horrendous skin. I never wanted to leave the house without makeup on because I was so very self conscious. I felt that I wouldn't be accepted if I didn't look my best that I could. How horrible for a young tee to feel that she in herself wasn't good enough to go out into public without dousing herself in makeup. Screwed up misconceptions about beauty, huh?
I went to dermatologists to have them help my horrid skin that I had given myself from caking everything on at such a young age, and then trying to fix it myself through products that "promised" to make my skin "perfect" (X-Out I'm looking at you). I went on antibiotics and topical treatments galore. I still use some RX products, but I refuse to take pills anymore. Sure I might have slightly clearer skin if I did, but I don't want my body to not be able to have it's own natural antibodies because I want to look better. But throughout most of my high school life, I believed that I needed products to make myself prettier, and when that wouldn't work, I searched for approval in guys.
I'm, to say the least, ashamed of how I've thrown myself into flirting throughout the years, with guys I didn't even like that much, just because I was searching for something that made me feel beautiful. I didn't know when I was younger that the only person who can make you feel truly beautiful is yourself.
If I had realized this when I was younger, I would've saved myself so much heart ache and stress. I hated myself for so long because I didn't know that I was beautiful. I went through fazes of not wanting to eat to make myself smaller and more acceptable. Slathering on eye shadows and so much makeup to make people "like" me more.
I remember in middle school, I liked this one boy, who was quite superficial and because of that, I put all these clothing labels on myself. I cared more about how I looked then how I treated people. I'm not the nicest person all the time, and I have a bit harsher of an exterior because I built up so many walls when I was younger, just because in my head I needed other peoples approval.
What I was searching for, was my own approval, and I'm only just now getting to that point where I truly believe that I am good enough for my self. So I haven't posted anything on this site because now I see it as something I used to find more approval. I tried using superficial items to give myself more value. It's crazy because now I'm getting rid of so much of my makeup just because I've found that I don't even use most of it, and I don't need it either. I'd so much rather spend money on things I actually want or travelling or something that actually makes me feel happy.
I still love makeup, don't get me wrong. It's fun and it's something nice to have, but gone are the days that I feel I NEED to wear makeup. If I want to, I will. The truth is, your true friends and the people who actually know your heart, could care less if you wear makeup or not. Something that's really helped me learn this, is my relationship with my boyfriend. He could care less if I was or wasn't wearing makeup and guess what, he still thinks I look great when I feel like crap.
So right now I'm not sure if I'm going to continue blogging. It's been a fun thing and sometimes an obligatory thing, and I'm not the same person I was when I started this blog. But, if this is the last thing I share, the one thing I want to get across to all of the thousands of people who have viewed my blog is this: Don't let companies who are trying to make money off your insecurities define your beauty for you. Figure out for yourself what you think is beautiful, and don't let someone's opinion dictate how you see yourself. Treasure the beauty that is yourself and honor the body that God has given you, because what your looking for in all the superficial things is approval, when all that matters is approval from yourself. Please allow yourself to view your natural self as beautiful and priceless no matter what anyone else says about it. Don't go through years of looking for approval and heartache from not "measuring up". Take matters into your own hands, and regain control of what you think is beautiful. You are under no social obligation to look a certain way. You are loved, beautiful, and priceless just as you are.
Love you all,
Grace
